I’m attempting to notice my thought world more these days. Because there’s a whole lot of intensity swirling away up there. Things are stressful busy. And I’m excited about most of the busy. My life has many complicated layers at the moment. And they are mostly good layers. I’m pretty anxious. And I’m delightfully happy.
Noticing the internal world is critical for so many reasons. However, I often think I’m being reflective when I’m actually just ruminating. Reflection allows for items to come into your awareness. Rumination insists that one internal item is THE only important thing to think about and you must keep looking at it until it makes total and complete sense and never surprises you again with its sneaky, gross feelings being dragged behind a thought of criticism or judgment or protective anticipation while insisting that you stay awake for 10 minutes more because if you close your eyes then it will sealed into your brain forever with the intensity of a million suns. Or something like that.
Reflection allows for the “and”. One thought is not the whole truth. And sitting with many thoughts coming and going with ease and patience allows each to be heard. Reflection reaches for context. It does not mean pain will be avoided, but pain is seen as part of the experience. Reflection increases capacity. Rumination decreases it.
So I’m trying to notice the difference today. I’m trying to make room for a little reflection.