Marshall Lyles, LPC-S, LMFT-S, RPT-S, EMDRIA Approved Consultant
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Funny, serious, thought-provoking? You never know what you will get.

Fear has a message

3/27/2018

8 Comments

 
I am feeling unbelievably blessed these days. I am living with the three coolest people on the planet, who happen to be my family. Work is pleasant and fulfilling. I’m able to travel to beautiful places to teach beautiful souls (who are really teaching me). Life is good, but I still feel afraid.

It’s not the kind of fear that is easily identifiable by others. I’m not experiencing panic (at least not in this particular season). I’m not even as obsessive as I’m capable of. Fear is sneaky, though, and it’s in there.

Every aspect of my body and being needs work. My default mode is to an extremely mild dissociative-like (totally fear-informed) state, often intentionally induced by Netflix and apathy. Fear is doing its job, but it’s also preventing me from true growth and awareness. I just read a piece from Richard Rohr where he said that “fear is not enlightenment”. I endorse that wholeheartedly. The problem is that my fear believes it is enlightened.

I’ve been teaching on fear quite a bit lately. I teach that fear is, by design, a protective emotion. It shows up when life has taught us that it is useful. A good and counterintuitive introductory plan to addressing fear is to see it, acknowledge it, and be grateful for it. Being thankful for fear’s protective nature better prepares me for noticing whether protection is actually needed, and, for noticing what other kinds of strength-based protectors I have access to.

I’m trying to practice what I teach. So, I say to you [fear], I often fight you and judge you and even indulge you. Today I only want to listen and learn from you. As I come to understand your message, I will express my gratitude for your protective nature. With the awareness that could come from holding together both you [fear] and gratitude, I will look for safe people and protectors who can support the work you’ve been doing on your own for so long. I want to give you rest, not overpower you.
​
And now I breathe.
8 Comments
Sameer link
3/27/2018 06:53:23 am

Love it, it's been great to have you here in Jordan and Lebanon.

Reply
Georges
3/27/2018 07:19:19 am

Wonderful article,, I can relate but didn’t overcome and still be grateful for fear yet

Reply
Hoda
3/27/2018 08:18:17 am

Thank you so much Marshall for sharing this valuable reflexion

Reply
Roudna
3/27/2018 03:53:05 pm

It was great having you and learning from you, practicing gratitude while in fear open up a door for hope and give a sense of power to handle the situation. Grateful for the long distance learning

Reply
Caleb
3/27/2018 06:00:51 pm

This is wonderful! Thanks, I really needed this today (as you know). You are such an eloquent speaker and writer! You already know this, but YOU ARE THE BEST!

Reply
Debby
3/28/2018 08:26:23 pm

Blessed to spend a moment with you through your blog tonight, Marshall. Right on . . .

Reply
Chady
3/31/2018 02:24:39 pm

Never fail to amaze me. Thank you for continuously sharing wisdom and experience. Indeed, fear is a protective part that needs to be enlightened by another part. I will definitely think more about my fear, enjoying the enlightenment of your wonderful sharing.

Reply
Jonathan
4/2/2018 10:33:20 pm

I love the “listening and learning” from fear. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Marshall. I will listen to fear today, and invite it to reveal the parts of me that need love.

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    Marshall Lyles

    Reflections on lessons learned from being a therapist and adoptive dad.

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